flirtation & my relationship with Rome

"I don't feel like I have a relationship with Rome", I said last night as I talked to a dear friend on the phone.  It's grand, it's rich in history and culture, it's exciting, and I also feel as though I am "sight-seeing" again, rather than simply living and being in Europe.  Alex, from Israel, who I mentioned in a previous post, described his experience of travelling and sight-seeing as simply a background for the greater spiritual experience of simply day-to-day living in all of these places. Resonance. For me, I certainly think it's okay that this balance fluctuates; at times, "sight-seeing" is indeed in the foreground, but at other times, I do want for it to fade more into the background of the more personal journey that this trip entails. In Cinque Terre, I felt I had struck a really beautiful balance with all of this, seeing the sights I wanted to see, while feeling really connected with myself, with others, and what I saw as my purpose for being on this trip.  Perhaps these types of connections come more naturally to me when I am in smaller settings and next to water, and I can imagine they fluctuate with simple day-to-day living as well.  And so, I search for this in Rome.

Without a doubt, the highlight of Rome thus far has been meeting up with Brooke and Andrew, a couple from Australia who I met in Cinque Terre, and who are now also staying at a hostel in Rome not far from my own. On Tuesday night we met for some wine, and three hours of conversation easily flew by, as we talked about life and travels, and as Brooke and I entertained the flirting of several waiters.  Italy.  Yesterday, I was thrilled to be able to make the trip to Vatican City with them, and not only because their presence ensured that I got out of bed a good hour or two earlier than I would have had I been left to my own devices. Caring, fun, incredibly geuine, and bubbly, I have been so grateful for their company, their thoughtful questions and listening, and the laughs we have shared.

We met at the subway at 8am in order to "beat the queue" (it's not unusual to stand at the entrance to the Vatican Museum for 3 hours), and our strategy, well, Andrew's strategy really, worked beautifully. The maze of the Vatican Museums is rather confusing; there are a number of different routes you can take through the complex, which range in time spent from 45 minutes to 5 hours, and all end at the Sistine Chapel. We managed to figure out a middle-of-the-road kind of route, gazed upon lots of statuary, and yes, finished the tour by straining our necks with hundreds of others, staring up at Michelangelo's masterpiece. Truly remarkable, I must admit that I found the whole thing a bit anti-climactic, I think perhaps because of how crowded the chapel was. Similiar to the gorgeous duomo in Siena, there were annoucements over the loudspeakers reminding people to be silent and that photos were not permitted, and in addition, guards yelling "Siliencio!" and "No photo!" at regular intervals. I think this comes up against my desire for the "whole" experience, whatever that is. :)  But yes, also beautiful 

As we walked into St. Peter's Square, it struck me how normal my life as a traveller has become to me, as suddenly the significance of this place where I was standing, historically, culturally, struck me. I was reminded to still take time to "steep" in these moments, lest I forget that I am walking through Rome!  On Wednesday mornings the pope gives a little wave from his high-up window, but we did not secure tickets in time for this, and so visited the Square post-wave. Similiar to the Sistine Chapel, the Bascilica was absolutely remarkable, and also very crowded. As I walked around this church, which has the largest interior of any Christian church in the world (will hold 60 000 people), and which was the burial site for St. Peter himself, I imagined what it would be like to roam the aisles, arches, and gaze at the art, in utter solitude, or perhaps with only a few others.  We climbed the 500+ stairs to the top of the cupola for a beautiful (and again, highly crowded) view over the Vatican and the rest of Rome. And, we noted that the Pope gets a lot more green space than anyone else in the city...

I have also wandered the Collosseum and Roman Forum, which were fascinating. I wondered what it would be like to know more about the history and anthropology of all of this, so as to have a greater appreciation of all that I was seeing...But, quite incredible to be standing in a structure that was first opened in AD 80.  And, it just may be true that I have been flirted with more in the last week or so, than in my lifetime.  Or at the very least, more than a great deal of my lifetime...    

With regards to my relationship with Rome, another friend offered that perhaps I am just not a big city girl, and this just might be the case, at least at the present day. I like the idea of the excitement of a big city, but in reality, I think I do feel more at home in smaller settings. I have no doubt there are things for me to learn in both places; it just may be that my task in Rome is to try to cultivate a sense of serenity and Connection, even while I am avoiding being run over by motorcycles, or while I am listening to guards yell "Silencio". In the spirit of embracing inner-Liz who loves being by water, my next stop will be the small village of Positano, on the Amalfi Coast (south of Naples - a UNESCO protected stretch of coastline that is known to be incredibly beautiful and rugged), where I will soak in some more sun, perhaps swim without fear of jellyfish, and do some more journalling while gazing out at the ocean.

For one of the first times on this trip, the decision as to where to head next has been causing me stress. It sounds a bit ridiculous when I say it out loud I suppose, that I'm stressed as to whether I should head to Amalfi, Sicily, Sardinia, or Switzerland. I know this is a beautiful decision to have to make, and the experience of feeling a bit paralyzed at the thought of making it has been interesting for me. I am endeavouring to view it as another opportunity  to be wary of the "shoulds" and to tune into my intuition. I think, that despite the fact that I had originally imagined mysef heading to either Sicily or Sardinia (and so now can rationalize that I really "should" head there, since I have wanted to for quite some time), I am feeling as though I am almost ready to move on from Italy. Not ready enough to leave tomorrow, hence the few days on the Amalfi Coast.  But, when I opened up my Lonely Planet book a few days ago and read about Sardinia, and then about Switzerland, it was Switzerland that created a deep sense of excitement, certainly not from a place of "should"....

And so, I set off today, yes, too see some more sights, but also to find a great cafe, in order to spend some time finding myself in the midst of this crazy city, throwing off the need to "see it all" and just be present in Rome.